Guffstan Chronicle: The Ministry of Expressions

In a historic move that has left the citizens of Guffstan speechless—literally—the Guffstani government has unveiled the “Freedom Minimization Act 2025”. The legislation, designed to “streamline public discourse,” ensures that Guffstan remains a beacon of silence in a world plagued by opinions.

According to insiders, the government was inspired by a neighboring nation, which recently passed its own “Shut Up and Obey Act.” In an unprecedented show of diplomatic mimicry, Guffstan’s leaders decided to one-up their counterparts by banning not only controversial opinions but also mildly enthusiastic ones.

The Ministry Speaks (So You Don’t Have To)

Minister of Absolute Control, Chatur Lal, addressed the media in what is being dubbed the last public press conference of the decade.

“Freedom of speech is overrated,” he declared while sipping imported green tea.
“Why should people waste their time arguing on social media when they can focus on important tasks, like praising the government or watching national TV commercials?”

He further announced the creation of a state-run social media platform called “GuffGram”. GuffGram will automatically delete posts that contain dangerous keywords such as “Why,” “How,” or “But.” Users will be rewarded for uploading photos of sunsets, cats, or the Prime Minister’s face—preferably all three in one frame.

“We Have a Country, Not a Debate Club”

Proponents of the bill argue that it will bring Guffstan closer to its vision of a “harmonized society.”
A government spokesperson explained:

“We are tired of people questioning things like inflation, corruption, and potholes. We have a country to run, not a debate club. If people want freedom of speech, they can go and shout at their mirrors.”

Exporting Silence to Neighboring Lands

In a show of regional solidarity, Guffstan has proposed forming an international alliance called the Council for Controlled Conversations (CCC). Neighboring nations have expressed interest, provided they can patent their own unique methods of suppressing dissent.

• One country plans to implement a “Thought Tax.”
• Another is rumored to be working on an “Emoji Monitoring Bureau” to ensure nobody uses angry faces recklessly.

Citizens React (Quietly)

The common people, now legally required to carry “Pre-Approved Talking Points” cards, have shown mixed reactions.

• Some have taken to whispering their discontent in underground coffee shops.
• Others have embraced the change by practicing silent protests—standing still in their homes, looking at blank walls.

One anonymous citizen shared his thoughts under the pseudonym “Skewed Monk”:

“First, they came for the memes, and I did not speak out because I was not a memer.
Then, they came for the tweets, and I did not speak out because I was not a tweeter.
Now, they have come for the air I breathe, and I dare not exhale too loudly.”

A Future Without Noise

Critics warn that the legislation could backfire, with citizens finding creative ways to express themselves. The government, however, remains optimistic.

As Minister Chatur Lal put it:

“Why criticize when you can comply? After all, silence is golden, and in Guffstan, we plan to make it platinum.”

In a final act of compliance, the national anthem will now be replaced with a minute of silence, followed by a government-approved slogan:
“We have a country, not a democracy.”